she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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