I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
