Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
