Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
