I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
