The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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