frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
