guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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