He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
