Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
