Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
