I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize