we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
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He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
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i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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