literally had 100 drinks last night.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
