My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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