I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
