My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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