my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
