im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i out mim tonsoeep
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
