i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
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Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
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She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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