Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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