I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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