Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
