It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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