doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you had me at cake vodka
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
