Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I did not marry a roomba.
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