i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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