he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
