ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
