I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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