Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
