what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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