So drunk its hurt
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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