people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
