You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
