She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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