it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
