Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
