Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
