Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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