yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
