And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
