This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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