I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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