I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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