I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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