i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
They have beer where we have blood.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
