Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
