i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
