everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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