where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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