thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
