i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
