go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
