i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
