i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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