He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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