You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
