o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
