you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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