He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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