Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize