oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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