the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
