i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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