He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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