Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize