his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
