Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
