hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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