he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
